With the shutdown of Gappiya’s YouTube channel, I feel like there are a lot of questions gone unanswered for people who genuinely liked what Gappiya represented. This post is an attempt to answer some of those questions. Mainly my questions.
I am sure most of you are going through an enormous phycological transformation as a result of this COVID 19 pandemic. Like you, I had more than enough time to reflect on my life, what I believe in and my priorities.
After weeks of deep thinking, I decided to kill Gappiya YouTube channel GappiyaThinking YouTube channel and Gappiya School.
1) I got bored
The content I once thoroughly enjoyed making, no longer a joy to me.
When I first started making Gappiya content, I was living in a small country town in NSW. This is the first time I was living away from City. I didn’t know anyone. The town was mainly filled with white people. They would stare at me when I go to the shop. Not surprisingly Gappiya’s first content expressed my viewpoint on the contrast between Australian and Sri Lankan culture.
Then people started to slowly discover Gappiya as a new online personality. Soon, it became an everyday discussion for Sri Lankan youth. I witnessed it when I went for my first holiday after living in Australia for 10 years. Most people recognised me. It was amazing.
The focus of the content shifted from cultural conflict to exploration of Sri Lankan culture. Most of the content well-received expect for ideas around religion and nationalism. I was particularly interested in this negative criticism. It started to give me an insight into where I was raised, where I am living right now and my transformation because of immigrating to Australia.
The audience size started to get even bigger and a lot of commercial opportunities start to emerge as a result of this. However, nothing significant didn’t happen until the establishment of Gappiya School. Birth of this online education platform turned in to my new obsession and slowly I started to forget the genuine storyteller within me. Every content piece was carefully crafted to get audience attention and get them on to a ‘sales’ funnel.
The joy vanished. My inner artist child was weeping and I was too busy figuring out how to make money.
2) Too many hands
Before this pandemic, I was creating content for 3 YouTube channels and offering 4 different courses on Gappiya School. I thought I was creating multiple streams of income. In reality, I was creating multiple ways to exhaust my self.
A book called essentialism by Greg Mckeown helped me understand what I was doing it for my self. I strongly recommend it.
3) Paradox of success
When my work starting to get recognised by people, it felt good. I thought I finally made it. I didn’t want to lose it so I started making more content that would appeal to more and more people. I was getting addicted but I didn’t know it. After a while, I had a formula that works – at least that’s what I thought. In reality, I had a perfect formula to trap myself within a self that I thought that’s me. In other words, I discovered a perfect way to murder my true self.
The same success put me on the map, took me out of the map and drowned me.
I wanted out, so I killed the Gappiya channel and a few other things that are associated with it. It also gave birth to this blog. I try to write most days after dinner.
I find it soothing. Most importantly it’s the only conversation I can have with myself without an argument.